Monday, April 9, 2012


Today, , April 9, 2012, Phineas and I are celebrating our one-year anniversary!

He's almost 14 months old and my little big-boy weighs 105 pounds! I just have to share my earliest experiences with him because they taught me so much about staying in alignment with Source's perspectivethe awesome power of our thoughts and the Universal Law of Attraction and especially about how we really can deliberately create the experiences we so deeply desire!  The first few days with him were filled with such contrast...moments of the sweetest delight and joy mixed with utter horror and dread!  Well, I might be being a bit overly-dramatic, but, to be honest, I really had to put into practice everything I had come to know and believe about how the laws of the universe work!  Here's our story...

I had been thinking alot about getting another dog after my beloved Brutus, a bullmastiff/labrador mix had made his transition into the Non-physical realm. I missed the wonderful presence of dog-energy and really wanted another bullmastiff.  I had looked around for a rescue dog but there were no bullmastiffs available. I also finally admitted to myself that I longed to raise a pup had been over 20 years since I'd had puppy energy around me, as Brutus was four years old when I adopted him.

I knew how expensive bullmastiff puppies were and got momentarily caught in my own resistant thinking. I was filled with hesitation, anxiety and self-doubts!How could I justify spending that much money on a puppy?  What if I didn't have the energy to raise a pup? (Afterall, it had been over 20 years since I had embarked on an adventure like that!)  Was I really willing to make such a huge commitment, knowing what was involved in bonding and training so that I would have the kind of relationship I wanted...both of us happy and free? (I remembered pictures from past puppy-raising of me looking tired and bedraggled, with dark circles under my eyes!) Most importantly, even though I knew what I really wanted, could I love myself enough, feel worthy and deserving of giving myself what I really wanted?  Could I allow myself to receive the gift I longed for?

I had hesitated so long that by the time I checked out available breeders, all the Spring pups were spoken for.  As I pondered all this, tears welled up and spilled over as I wept...frightened that I wouldn't let myself have what I knew I wanted...what I knew would bring me such joy... knowing I was the only one who could give myself this gift, and frustrated and angry at myself for not loving myself enough!  I asked for guidance from my Inner Being. How is Source viewing my dilemma? I began to remember embracing my own dream.  As I was weeping, how adored I was by Source.  I remembered the power of my thought and began to think about all the joy and fun and comfort and companionship my dogs had brought me.  I remembered all the magnificent "miracles" that had happened to me in my life.  I thought about everything I appreciated about the life and lifestyle I had created and how perfect it all was for me to share it with a pup. My kitty crawled up in my lap and made it very clear that she, too, missed dog energy.  This would be her third bull mastiff!  And then, the tears finally stopped and it was like the sunshine emerging after a thunderstorm...I smiled with relief and realized that I had released my resistance and could feel the wondrous energy of love and joy and clarity and determination pouring into me as I stepped into my power as a deliberate creator and extension of Source Energy! 

The next thing I knew, I was opening my notebook computer and sending an email to the breeder, telling him to put me on the list for the next Spring litter.  I happily accepted that I might have to wait another year but one thing was clear...I had restored my faith in who I really knew myself to be and I was going to let myself have what I wanted!  I was clear about my intention to allow what I already knew was waiting for me in my vibrational reality!  I celebrated the delicious, joyous feelings as I imagined my future with a sweet, cuddly, innocent pup, certain that I was now a "cooperative component" for the Universe to deliver what I desired!

The next morning (!), I checked my emails and there was one from the breeder saying that someone had backed out and there was one male pup available!
I called and we had a wonderful conversation.  When I learned that this puppy's grandmother's name was Amazing Grace and his mother's name was Gaia, I practically swooned...knowing I had found my guy!  :-)

A few days later, my dear friend, Peg, and I boarded the boat and then drove  down to Portsmouth to pick Phineas up. (didn't know that was his name yet!)  One of the breeders was willing to meet us there, as half of the litter had been taken to Rhode Island. When I saw him, my knees almost buckled!  He was the most precious, adorable bundle of pure love I'd ever seen!  I scooped him into my arms, feeling such profound joy, handed the breeder his check, signed the contract, grabbed his medical records and Peg and I headed back to Portland to catch the boat home! Upon arriving home to my cottage and after a prolonged time of cuddling and bonding, I nestled my new baby into his bed! He slept through the night without a whimper! My life raising Phineas had begun!

By noon our first day together, I had finished working with a client, and upon realizing I didn't know when his birthday was, I decided to check out his medical records.  As I glanced through the paperwork, there in big bold print was "Heart murmer, 2-6"!  I was stunned and shaking!  How could this be?  Then, I had the brilliant idea to take a look at the "contract" I had signed.  The breeder had indicated it was pretty "boiler-plate", mostly that I was simply agreeing not to breed my pup.  I'd purchased other pedigree dogs so I had quickly signed it so we didn't miss the next boat!  Well, it was a big lesson in "READ WHAT YOU SIGN BEFORE YOU SIGN IT"!  I had apparently agreed, among other ridiculous things, to not neuter Phineas until after he was one year old and had given my permission to have the breeder harvest his sperm!  Good grief! Needless to say, I was very upset, very scared, and very angry!

The first thing I did was call my wonderful vet, Dr. Jeff Robbins, who happens to live here on the island, and asked if he would stop by at his earliest convenience to check my new puppy out.  Then I made some phone calls to both breeders...the one in Maine and the one in Rhode Island.  When we finally spoke, I was assured that I could return the puppy for a full refund!  I told them, in no uncertain terms, that this was not an option.  I had already bonded with this little guy!  He belonged with me!  I asked how such a thing could have happened and also challenged them on how untenable it was to wait a year to neuter such a large and powerful dog, and most importantly, why on earth would they want his sperm since he had a heart murmer?  The breeder attempted to make it seem like an issue of "mis-communication", however, I had made it very clear that I wanted a "healthy" puppy!  He never really addressed the "sperm" question.

That night, as I cuddled with Phineas, I told him that I was envisioning him as a healthy, happy puppy with a healed and big, strong heart!  I also assured him that we were now a team and that I so deeply appreciated his presence in my life!  I also let him know that NO ONE would be squeezing his wiener and harvesting his sperm!  :-)  Even though there were many negative emotions swirling about, I fell asleep feeling fiercely protective, determined, and focused. 

The next day, much to my surprise, I received an email from the breeder. It said that a bank-certified check, made out to me, refunding the full amount I paid for Phineas, was going into the mail!!!  My intuition was that something was a bit shady as they had admitted that 7 out of the 10 pups in the litter had heart this must have seemed to be the most efficient and expedient way of bringing our relationship to a close.  Fine by me.  With my money refunded, the contract was null and void, and I could now use the money to create a "health fund" for Phineas.

The following evening, Dr. Robbins came by and listened to little Phineas' heart.  Indeed, he confirmed that he had a heart murmer and explained how they were rated on a scale of 1-6.  He then went on to assure me that he had a wonderful cardiologist on staff and talked about all the tests we could do to get a better idea of where the hole was located in Phineas' heart. 

Now, up to that moment, I had been caught in very negative emotions...I was saddened, angry and mostly overwhelmed!  I was screaming "NO!" inside...pushing very hard to make this nightmare go away!  But, when my vet started telling me all the potential medical procedures and complications, I began to remember who I was...a powerful, deliberate creator!  I began to remember everything I knew about the Law of Attraction!  So I shifted, swiftly and completely!  Since I knew what I DID NOT WANT, I NOW KNEW WHAT I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY DID WANT...A HEALTHY, HAPPY PUPPY! 

First, I asked Dr. Robbins not to give any more thought to Phineas' heart murmer...not to do any research on heart murmers in bullmastiff pups, and not to contact his cardiologist or plan for any tests. Then I asked Dr. Robbins and my close circle of friends to join me in holding a positive focus and support for Phineas' complete and total healing! 

Specifically, I asked Dr. Robbins to join me in imagining the smiles each of us would have, the delight and joy each of us would feel the moment he looked up at me after listening to Phineas' heart at his 12-week check-up, announcing that the heart murmer was resolved! Knowing what an amazing and devoted veterinarian, researcher and diagnostician Dr. Robbins was, I re-iterated my request that he not give any other attention or thought to Phineas' heart murmer...and told him that instead of worrying and giving more attention to the "problem", we were going to only focus on the Stream of Well-Being pouring into Phineas, this bundle of Pure Positive Energy, containing trillions of magnficently intelligent cells who knew exactly how to correct the apparent imbalance occurring in Phineas' heart! 

As the weeks went by, I was immersed in my own indescribable, absolutely ineffable bubble-world of delight.  Except for my original healing circle of close friends, I did not speak of Phineas' heart murmer again...even though there was a steady parade of visitors coming to see the most adorable puppy in the Universe! :-) Whenever my thoughts strayed towards Phineas' heart condition or I became aware that I was feeling even a little bit "off", I would immediately pivot, and focus on the present moment, the appreciation and joy I was feeling, and the all-consuming nature of taking care of a pup. It was truly a wonderful practice of staying in the here and now and allowing myself to feel all the joy of the moment!

At Phineas' 12-week check-up, I continued to hold a positive focus as Dr. Robbins listened to his heart!  I began to notice that he was really listening to it for a long time...moving his stethoscope all over the place.  Finally, he looked up with the sweetest smile, and said, "Well, it's still there, but it's much better and I'm going to downgrade it from a #2 to a #1!"  What a happy moment! What a "matter-of-fact" moment!  Of course! We were going in the right direction!  Good work, Phineas!  Then, Dr. Robbins said he would be willing to come by the cottage in two weeks for the next round of puppy shots, as we were spacing them out and that would save us another trip into Portland.  I was so grateful!

Two weeks later, right on schedule, Dr. Robbins showed up and the first thing he did was ask to listen to Phineas' heart!  Now, listening to a wriggling, 14-week old puppy's heart is tricky business at best!  I watched as they did their little dance together...Phineas moving about...Dr. Robbins patiently moving his stethoscope from side to side, under Phineas' belly, chest, back to his side! It seemed to go on forever!  And then, we had our moment!  The shared vision became a wondrous, heart-skip-a-beat, breath-taking, life-giving reality!
"I'm really, really listening FOR a murmer", Dr. Robbins said..."but I can't hear anything! It's gone!"  We just smiled and smiled and smiled!  Phineas has been a happy, healthy pup ever since!  And I have this wonderful story to share!

Don't you just love "happily-ever-after" stories?  Don't you just love telling stories that bring happiness and joy...that inspire, uplift and empower? Don't you just love "miracles"?  I know I do!

What I love even more is knowing this:

...there's Infinite Creative Power in the telling of a happy story!
        ...telling a happy story is telling a story that is in alignment with
                                                                                      Source Energy!

        ...we have a wonderful emotional guidance system that tells us
               if we are in alignment with Source's perspective!   

        ...that the happy story that Source is always and forever
                                                                     whispering in our ear...

                                                                                     ...ALL IS WELL!

Happy Healthy Blessings,
Carol  :-)


  1. Lovely affirming story, makes MY heart murmur.

  2. Carol, I happened upon your blog - who knows why these things happen? - Nonetheless, I am so happy that your Phineas is doing well. I hope this little note finds you both still well...and cheerful! I actually found you via Jamie, the only other person who commented. (Had I paid attention before commenting, then THAT would have been even more of a coincidence, because I happened upon her blog just a few minutes ago. Wait, where is this going?? I love dogs and had a beloved German Shepherd for 13 years. I may again find such a wonderful kindred-spirit dog some day.... your story made "my heart murmur" too. Love it.